Things I Have Learned as a Graduate Student

(to be continually updated for the next 1.5 years)

You know, I really have learned a lot over all of these years...

1.  Sleeping are showering are overrated

2.  You do not have to smell good to be on a conference call

3.  Running is a mental health activity

4.  Be optimistic: your project will begin working within a single-digit number of hours before a deadline

5.  If you are taking classes with undergrads, your paper will be automatically be better (you have been in higher education for double the amount of time they have)

6.  Your work will follow you home into your nightmares

7.  At least once you will calculate the p-value of your chances of actually graduating

8.  Do not plan on using the internet from home to send anything important or anything on a deadline.  You will have to drive up and sit in front of the building to use the wireless.   Don't say I didn't warn you.

9.  Your 401K is a change jar on your fridge.  The interest rate on that is VERY low.

10.  Your stipend can pay for all of the material possessions you desire, so long as you don't waste any of it on eating, rent, or electricity bills

11.  Everything takes longer than you planned.  EVERYTHING!  There are no exceptions to this!!

12.  Load up on free food; you don't know when you will have time/money to eat again.

13.  Own enough socks and underwear so that laundry is only essential every three weeks

14.  Leisure reading is to be done on the toilet

to be continued...and continued...and continued....