Monday, September 29, 2008

Two Mini Apples in My Pocket

Crotchety old man shows up to debate, claims mavrickosity  

Debate watcher notes McCain's inability to actually look at Obama

Runner indebted to boyfriend for putting up with her through 20-mile run

Wisconsinite turns on Badger game, jinxes them 

First haircut since last disaster haircut looks okay

Movie-goers sneak in own sodas, people sitting next to them sneak in own bag of popcorn

Coffee shop free wireless used minimally for actual work

Weatherman continues to be wrong about weather

Employee left wondering if she did any work today

Gargantuan amount of chili not really going to last all that long

Friday, September 26, 2008

"If You Don't Know Me By Now...You Will Never Never Never Know Me...No You Won't...ooo...ooo...."

In honor of my 100th post, I thought I would summarize who, according to myself, I really am (at least when talking about myself in the third person, anyway). I also want to add that only a serious nerd would categorize herself in an Excel Spreadsheet.

20-something, flabby 1
20-something, lazy 1
26-year-old 2
addict, soft-pretzel 1
adult 1
albino 1
American 3
American, gluttonous 1
athlete, amateur 1
athlete, novice 2
attendee 1
attendee, conference 1
beach-goer 1
blogger 4
Bourbon St., soberest person on 1
brusher 1
caller 1
chapped lips 1
chocoholic 2
citizen 1
commuter 1
complainer 1
concert-goer 1
consumer 4
consumer, citrus 1
couple 4
customer 2
customer, Comcast 1
cyclist 3
cyclist, amateur 1
daughter 1
Dem 1
drinker, green tea 1
driver 1
driver, bored 1
driver, designated 1
employee 12
exam-taker 1
fan 3
fan, Badger 1
fan, former Saved By the Bell 1
fan, Packer 4
girlfriend 3
grad student 84
grad student, apathetic 1
grad student, stressed 1
Greek dancer, amateur 1
group 4
hair, greasy 1
hair, limp 1
hair, unkempt 1
hater, mustard 1
idiot 1
intellectual, pseudo 1
judge, at-home 1
left ear 1
liberal 5
loser 1
major, science 1
major, soft science 1
maker 1
marathoner 1
Midwesterner 1
Minnesotan 7
Minnesotan, non-native 1
navigator 1
neighbor, cranky 1
nerd 2
new user 1
non-engineer 1
passenger 1
passerby 1
patron, library 1
PC-user 1
pedestrian 1
pessimist 1
Pesto lover 1
presenter, strontium 1
reader 1
regular achiever 2
researcher 1
rider 2
runner 12
runner, lunch-time 1
runner, Minnesota 1
runner, sore-legged 1
Scientist 3
sister 1
skin, dry 1
sleeper 1
spectator, triathlon 1
spring breaker 1
student, least intellectual in class 1
student, PhD. 1
student, professional 1
studier 2
supporter, Obama 1
swimmer 1
TA 9
taxpayer 1
tenant 1
traveler 1
user 1
vacationer 1
victim, fashion 1
viewer 9
viewer, TV 2
visitor 2
walker 2
weight-lifter, amateur 1
wimp 1
witness 1
woman 63
woman, average-size 1
woman, bored 1
woman, cynical 1
woman, directionally challenged 1
woman, disheartened 1
woman, grown 1
woman, gullible 1
woman, local 5
woman, mechanically un-inclined 1
woman, not-smart, nearly-blind
woman, over-whelmed 1
woman, semi lactose intolerant 1
woman, semi-domesticated 1
woman, unfashionable 1
woman, vacationing 1
woman, young 1
worker 1
writer 1

(This took me forever--mainly because I couldn't get the formatting correct. This was, in fact, due to my Mac. If you're keeping track: Mac 9,999 PC: 1)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Are We Getting Closer or Are We Just Getting More Lost?!

Coffee after 9pm regretted at about 1am

Mass spec lab manager very skillful at ignoring grad student's request for help

Drink really needed by 11am

Presentation for funding sponsor to contain more spin than a program on Fox News

26-year-old already pessimistic about retirement 

Free barbecue food really pathetic

Woman day-dreaming about pumpkin bagels

Hill workout unfortunate necessity 

Wednesday productivity kept to a minimum

Graduate student to take nap at 4:30pm

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Just In: John McCain Helped Create the Blackberry!*

*You think I'm kidding, right?
If you believe that you might also believe that 'the fundementals of our economy are strong'.
I can't even make up stuff this good, folks.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Alaska is NEXT to Russia, Just in Case You Forgot....

Listen to John McCain talk about Palin's qualifications (and his own, for that matter):
[From WCSH6 in Maine]
Yikes.

There's Nothing Like a Little Tail Between Your Toes

I stepped on a squirrel this morning while running.


It was not dressed like this.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Minnesota: Pretty much just a lower quality Wisconsin

MOST HILARIOUS WIKIPEDIA RIP-OFF (Credit Marge):
Enjoy!

--
Death welcome at any time after mile 15 on 20-mile run

Packer fans in Minneapolis bar really enjoy themselves

Minimal preparation of TA going to be glaringly obvious

Witness to near squirrel hit-and-run possibly going to need therapy

French classmate can stop looking at woman's minimal cleavage anytime now

Related:  Woman ecstatic to learn staring classmate assigned to her group

Friday, September 5, 2008

Candy Coated

Republicans threaten to take back Washington from selves

Apparently every class grad student willing to take meets on Friday afternoons

Grad student to put off final class until next semester

Woman startled to hear computer typing coming from stall next to hers in restroom 

Grad student shocked to acquire possibly legit data 

No less than 25 Post-its disposed of during desk cleaning

Floppy disk actually being used

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

May as Well Take Her to the Mental Institution Right Now

Jimbo Gets A Hole In One!*
You know, I got a hole in one once, but I don't think miniature golf counts.  Way to go, dad!

High school boy who hasn't hit puberty (to running woman): Hey baby, where you going?
Woman: I'll be back in 15 years as a cougar
 
'World's Fattest Man' special sadly a confidence booster

Sarah Palin The Movie:  Miss Congeniality meets Legally Blonde II meets The Beverly Hillbillies

Grad student getting way too old for this class sh*t

Artificial Mouth From Hell (patent pending) leaks water-infused with gum as grad student stands by weeping silently

Apparently grad student TAing class this semester, prof forgets to tell her

Two TAs to juggle FIVE DIFFERENT LABS during the same class period

Beeping noise threatens woman's fragile sanity

Monday, September 1, 2008

Things That Go Bump in the Night

11-12am: New hipster neighbors gather outside to smoke and chatter*
3-4am: Hipsters again gather outside to smoke and chatter*
5:30am: Baby screaming
7am: Alarm
My Head: BOOM!

*Dear New Hipster Neighbors (who appear to be nocturnal),
I have seen (HEARD) you a lot lately. I like to sleep; I also keep my windows open at night so I don't suffocate because the apartment is so hot. I know you don't have anything else to do besides riding your single-speed bikes and looking for vintage clothing items to add to your wardrobe, but I certainly do. So, in summary, SHUT THE F*CK UP!
Sincerely,
Your Cranky Neighbor