The Plan, Stan

Tomorrow's torture:

Just Brushed Clean Feeling

Journal articles taken home in unlikely event of motivation surge

Alfalfa sprouts consumed despite threat of diarrhea

Photocopying butt at deserted library copy machine extremely tempting

Library windows tinted so patrons don’t know the nice day they are missing

University sprinklers continue to water sidewalks in hopes of growth

Coworker asks inept employee to do one simple task
Related: Murphy’s Law mandates GC-MS go haywire with touch of one button

Say I Am You

Dear Scientific Books,
Please get to the point.
Love,
All Readers, everywhere
--
Blisters impact choice of footwear

Cyclist going embarrassingly slow

Grad student gears up for written prelims through rigorous metal resting exercises

Employee finds productivity reduced when food around

Grad student unable to produce successful ANOVA despite multitude of statistics courses

Rage Against the Vending Machine

Vending machine addition: 7 dimes +2 nickels= $.70
Coin return press yield: 2 nickels
Vending machine net gain: $.70
Chocoholic net gain of M&M’s: ZERO

"There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again."
--Your President
Thanks for the tip, George; I certainly won't get fooled again!

School's Out for Summer...School's Out Forever....*

*or until September 2--whichever comes sooner

Number 14 on public garden waiting list not holding her breath

Gas tank fills as bank account empties

Legos purchased as bribe for nephews

Thai food ‘mild’ too much for over 55 set

Art book inspires woman to think about attempting to suck at art

‘America’s Drive-In’ good, but still can’t beat Culver’s

Mustard-hater pretty sure there is no way anything that yellow can actually be good for you

Amateur athlete curses self for recent laziness and over-eating during run

Monday apathy as difficult to over-come as apathy on all other days

Emotional price of free food listening to uninteresting rhetoric for full hour

It’s Not the Size of Your Brain that Matters…It’s What You Do With It*

*In my case, not a lot

Limited stop bus causes woman to walk two extra blocks, be really pissed off about it

Studying by not studying overwhelmingly not effective

Extra layers of adipose added from stress eating

Idiot guesses on 75% of exam questions, too stupid to even guess on other 25%

Local woman finds riding her bike not as easy to remember as riding a bike

Grad student kinda busy looking busy right now

Class continues to test student’s patience, even at last meeting

Class evaluator would really like to use expletives

Search for lamest ‘TGIF’ images on web yields plethora

Oh Boy, Pizza!!

Pretty much says it all:

Tuttie Fruity from Lulu

Employee curses Outlook for reminding her of conference call

Runner pretends she’s only tired because of 20mph wind not 17 miles of running

Woman finds many things can be added to a rice cake to make it really bad for you

Half hour walk used as excuse to consume French fries

Procrastination leads to weight lifting

Amateur weight lifter uses 10lb free weights for some exercises, feels really cool

Woman forgets to watch ‘Desperate Housewives’ but really doesn’t care

Project’s lack of progress not really even grad student’s fault

Runner hopes exposure of white quads doesn’t scare small children, domesticated animals, and/or wildlife

Lab reports not getting graded anytime soon

Grad students discovers pretending to do assigned reading has one draw back at the end of the semester

Post-exam bar trip already planned pre-exam

Project presentation looking pretty crappy

Farmer tan developing quite well already

Grad Student Golden Rule #1: Promptness Directly Correlates to Quantity of Free Food

Chinese food ready suspiciously quickly

Woman flees Greek class with disregard for fleece on chair

Neighbor playing saxophone at 2am no Kenny G

Strontium presenters knock ‘em dead (a painful death no doubt)

Grad students swarm like sharks to chum for free food at exactly 11:30

Girlfriend holding steadfast in refusal to see another comic book movie

Hey-ay May-ay

Real World getting faker every season

Fashion victim wears black belt with brown shoes, oh the tragedy

Grad student pretty much sitting around waiting for someone to tell her what to do

Can of soup without pull-tab only useful as desk-top decoration

*

*actually Country Vegetable

Group to determine necessary project effort after gauging quality of other presentations

Paper on organic food not as riveting as expected

Most exciting slide on presentation of strontium isotope ratios contains picture of rock said to be strontium

Weeks until marathon: 6; weeks to panic about marathon: 6