Joe Bowl '08: Final Four

Left Bracket Champion

Joe McCain vs. Joe Biden
Decision: Joe McCain--Joe Biden threatens to call 911 because McCain calls him a cry baby; Joe McCain actually calls 911

Right Bracket Champion

Joe Six Pack vs. Joe the Plumber
Decision: Joe the Plumber--Joe Six Pack's head in toilet bowl because he is vomiting, Joe the Plumber's head in toilet bowl because he is working

Joe Bowl '08: Elitest Eight

Left Bracket

The Volcano vs. Joe McCain
Decision: Joe McCain--have you seen the rage in that guy?! Easily defeats a swirling cesspool of liquefied magma!

Joe Biden vs. "Joey" from Blossom
Decision: Joe Biden--this was an emotional match, but the old man cried it out

Right Bracket

Joe Camel vs. Joe Six Pack
Decision: Joe Six Pack--Definitely the more destructive vise...(car crash and cirrhosis vs. lung cancer)

Joe Scarborough vs. Joe the Plumber
Decision: Joe the Plumber--interviewed many times by Fox News* in Primetime, Scarborough relegated to MSNBC** morning show
*fair and balanced
**in the tank for Obama

Joe Bowl '08: Preliminary Rounds

Preliminary Rounds:

Left Bracket

Joe vs. The Volcano
Decision: The Volcano, but Joe put up a fight--he is, after all, played by Tom Hanks

Joe McCain vs. G.I. Joe
Decision: Joe McCain--anger runs in the family; G.I. Joe just trying to get money for college

Joe Biden vs. Joey (baby kangaroo)
Decision: Joe Biden. Biden just kept talking until little Joey lulled off to sleep.

"Joey" from Friends vs. "Joey" from Blossom
Decision: "Joey" from Blossom...did you see those biceps in that sleeveless flannel shirt??!! Sorry, Tribiani!

Right Bracket

Joe Camel vs. Cup of Joe
Decision: Joe Camel--the nicotine in those humps is way more addictive than caffeine.

Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat vs. Joe Six Pack
Decision: Joe Six Pack--face it, a rainbow coat is pretty gay.

Joe Scarborough vs. Joe McCarthy (err...Michelle Bachmann)
Decision: Joe Scarborough--has his own TV show, Joe McCarthy just made one appearance on Hardball one time

Joe the Plumber vs. Joe Schmoe
Decision: Joe the Plumber--Joe Schmoe clogs it, Joe the Plumber unclogs it then flushes tax bill down it

$#*%

"I think you can tell how your day is going by how many expletives you've said since you work up."

Joe Bowl '08

You probably noticed that a few prominent Joes were highlighted in my blog yesterday. I got to thinking on my walk home, and well, there really are a lot of Joe's out there. I know what you're thinking: it's about time they fought it out. My thoughts exactly. Here, my friends, is THE OFFICIAL Joe Bowl Bracket for 2008:
















Some Joe's who didn't make the cut this year:
Sloppy Joe
Joe Lieberman
Joe Blow
Joe Paterno
Joe's Crab Shack
Joe Rogan
Joe Purdy
Joe Jonas
Joey Ramone
JoJo
Joey Buttafuoco
Joey Mcintyre (NKOTB, yeah, I know you remember)
Joey Bishop

Leave your picks in the comments section below! (Write-ins allowed and encouraged)
Preliminary round winners announced tomorrow!

An 'Average Joe's' Guide to the Joe's of the 2008 Presidential Election

There have been so many 'Joe's' in the news lately I thought it was about time for a montage of their best moments:

Joe-Six-Pack

[Samual] Joe-the-[unlicensed] Plumber

Joe Biden

Joe McCain

STOP THE JOE MADNESS!!

"I Couldn't Agree with Him More"

You hate to laugh at a guy's 'senior moment,' but seriously...is he okay?? I'm concerned.

OH-Ring

Minnesotan copes with first coat-wearing of the season

Grad student feels she doesn't have to do any work until everyone else gets into office

Corner of Washington Ave. and Union St. smells like cookies!

Phlebotomist takes out Friday rage on woman's vein 

Lone rider on accordion bus not so sure this is what is meant by "green" transportation

Coffee shop musician disturbingly loud

Tongue epithelial cells finally regenerated after unfortunate scalding chai tea incident

Professor, We Have a Problem!

"Well, I've never seen THAT red light on before."

--Smart colleague in reference to the PTR-MS's failure to work 

Game On!

Sun glasses on head really not necessary

Mummified squirrel on sidewalk startles woman to near defecation

MPR debate watchers not amused by 22 'Joe The Plumber' references

'Joe The Plumber':  the IRS hasn't forgotten about those unpaid taxes! Oops!

Customers witness near rumble over $4 in miss-scanned coupons at Cub Foods

Grad student finally fixes instrument, breaks another part immediately

Tzatziki sauce over-consumption to lead to garlic sweats

Oh YouTube, How I Love Youb

Not for the easily offended...

"Hey Sarah Palin"

"Her Stupidity Flows"

Also: Article confirms that Dick Cheney does, in fact, actually have a heart

Ready to Rumble

Cleveland Ave. apparently 'death road' for squirrels

Crabby old neighbor going to kill those darn kids if they keep playing that annoying bean-bag game!

Bundled-up bike riding not really that fun

Line cutters given reprieve after mentioning Wisconsinite status

Snooze button hit a record 6 times this morning

Grad student to rely on highly developed bullsh*ting skills for exam today

Minnesota farmer's market to wave white flag of surrender soon

After 1.5 years, woman notices there is an elevator there

The View From MY House

My Friends,

I'm sorry...I just couldn't resist posting this.  

I will post headlines again soon, I promise!

Bridge To...Laughter