Jump Around

'Who's he going to pick for the Supreme Court, Judge Judy or Judge Wapner*?' 

--me on McComical's VP pick

*note Judge Wapner is Jewish, so I think it's safe to say he's out....

Liberal near-hyperventilates over thought of what could have been had Al Gore won in 2000

DNC goes well, Dem wondering how they are going to get screwed out of this one

Textbook purchased, no word yet on whether or not it will actually be read

Large amount of 'hipsters' seen riding single-speed bikes these days

Run from hell turns into walk from hell turns into hell

Abandoned child's Dora the Explorer bike nearly stolen by desperate exerciser

Woman plays with Mac while everyone else she knows attends Badger football game (not by choice!)

Parents attend pre-game party, box seating, post-game tailgate; daughter suspects beer bongs probably involved

Liberal St. Paul resident to sport Obama running apparel during RNC

Blogger Too Busy Playing With New MacBook to Post

Grad student succumbs to new distraction

Science major spends 10 minutes trying to find how to spell the word 'succumb'

Grad Student to Start 20th Grade A Week From Tomorrow*^

*21st if you count kindergarten

^Thanks a lot Jill for reminding me

(Wo)man vs. nuts/bolts 0.5cm from strong magnet and wedged into a tight space
Nuts/bolts removal: Woman: 6 Magnet:0
Nuts/bolts insertion: Woman's bloody knuckles: 0 Magnet: 6

A Vote of Un-confidence
Coworker: Well, if we see a mushroom cloud tonight then we'll know we did it wrong
Me: I'll probably just think it's the State Fair fireworks

Nothing says 'you're mechanically un-inclined' like a mushroom cloud joke!

Eat Fried Stick on a Stick at 'The Great Minnesota Get-Together'

BEST SPAM SUBJECT:
"msnbc.com: BREAKING NEWS: Michael Jackson is hermaphrodite. Watch the video."
[I think I'll pass on the video]

SECOND PLACE:
"msnbc.com: BREAKING NEWS: Gays Banned From Owning Pets In New York"
[Related: New Jersey pug population sky-rockets, drag shows added to every rest stop on Turnpike]

THIRD PLACE:
"Angelina's Newborn Twins Marry Each Other"
[Too sick for comment]

--
Liberals ride bikes to farmer's market, feel really good about selves

State fair traffic worst thing for pedestrians/cyclists since the commercialization of the Hummer

Local minor league baseball team pretty much loses after third inning, attendees continue to not watch until eighth inning

Hour-long sales pitch for LC equipment lasts hour and 45 minutes, grad student with no purchasing power not impressed

Rednecks pile into the 'big city' for Minnesota State Fair, forget to leave mullets at home

Hummer driver's inadequacies speculated upon

Remedial cleaning task allows grad student to feel sense of accomplishment for five full minutes

U.S. Continues to Un-dominate in Olympic Running

Grad student in utter disbelief that prof. decides to have class meet on Friday afternoon 3-5pm

Grad student drops Friday afternoon in favor of any other class in the entire world

Mosquito bite from three weeks ago somehow still itchy

Triathlon spectator needs nap after watching all of those people move around so much

Runner's feet apparently destined to look like hamburger meat

Number of blisters not decreasing with increasing price of new running shoes

Commuter faces day-to-day struggle to keep from exposing 'plumber butt' while riding bike to work

Grad student disappointed no one in the lab to actually see her working

Busted!

Follow-up note on yesterday's post: the nickel in question is no longer in the computer lab...looks like someone is 5 cents closer to that candy bar...thief!!

--
Grocery bill reaches peaks with couple's current obesity

Amateur cyclist still pulling gnat carcases from eyes next day

Friday productivity planned to start after lunch

Junk food binge to be halted after this cookie, or maybe the next one....

Comcast customer takes renewed interest in sky-high cable bills after several months of apathy

NBC convinces us Michael Phelps pretty much the only athlete to ever accomplish anything

Americans love their Olympics, but they love their porn even more

Second Nature

Oddest conversation of the day:
Ridiculously honest girl in computer lab: Excuse me, there's a nickel by this computer; do you know whose it is? What should I do with it?
Me: I don't know. It's yours now.
[Girl looks at me like I just stole something]
Me: Or leave it there, I guess. Maybe the owner will come back for it.
Thinking: It's 1/20th of a dollar, hellooooooo....
WOW!

--
NBC Olympic coverage accidentally misses any sports where Americans aren't winning or whining that they lost

Grad student finds actual work detracting from internet time

Foot-long sandwich to cover both breakfast and lunch

'Sandwich artist' thinks 'little bit' of mayo at least half a cup

Afternoon nap existing only in day dream today

Weekend plans include not eating so damn much

Back of hand used as free day planner

Grad student has apparently been volunteered for new prof search committee

Saliva is For Droolers

President to concentrate on athletic people for three weeks before going back to concentrate on rich ones

Grad student sad library books can not be renewed any more times

Needle nose pliers/foot accident narrowly averted

Communal brownies rich in chocolate and guilt

Bob Costas to continue failed attempts at humor throughout Olympic coverage

Viewer still deciding if stretch pants acceptable for male gymnasts

Story of My Life

Quote of my life: "Every time you say 'Gary,....' I'm afraid you're going to say something else bad has happened with the project. When you schedule meetings on my calendar if you could indicate that something bad hasn't happened, that would be great."
--My advisor today, with a sigh

Subway 'Sandwich Artist' Has Really Done It This Time....

Bus possibly never going to arrive

Lurking bug definitely going to bite woman

Mechanically un-inclined woman spends hours trying to connect plastic tubes

Employee trying desperately to forget about Peanut Butter Cup in top drawer

PhD. student trying to remember if she was this un-motivated during Master's

Cleaning gum chewing apparatus pretty much worst punishment cleaner can think of

I hate you, sap chewer

Memory of Previous Week Lost to Brain Fart

'Mama Mia' movie prompts bouts of spontaneous singing
You Can Dance, You Can Jive...Having the Time of Your Life....

Swimmers pretend river water yellow because of iron deposits

Canoeing reminder of weak arm muscles

Minimal amount of hair found in food at potluck

Albino man obtains color in form of sun burn

Dirty laundry pile taking over bedroom

Sunday motivation peaks during bike ride

Mechanical chewing device design flaw results in melting plastic

Woman to lose USB card with all recent work on it any day now

Grad student hasn't broken PTR-MS yet, but then, hasn't really used it much either

Brain thinking about 12 different things messes up all of them

Cookie consumption directly proportional to anxiety level