Because People Matter

Machinist doesn't have apparatus done AND has Bill O'Riley playing on radio--TWO STRIKES

Advisor and grad student both agree project is going pretty sh*tty

Woman has slightly unhealthy obsession with Richard Simmons

Opressive humidity good excuse for a nap

Fruit flies drive couple to brink of insanity

Grad student's financial status depends on what definition of "has no money" is

Minnesotan reprimands herself for day-dreaming about fall temperatures

American surprised it took full year investigation to learn Ted Stevens a lying douche-bag

Toby Keith interview reminds viewer why Southerners scare her

Richard Simmons and His Sequins to the Rescue!!!

Rainbow Foods cashier welcome to stop commenting on couple's food choices at any time now

Super Pretzels to be devoured tonight

Sitting in computer lab really starting to get old

Subway 'sandwich artists' extremely slow at their craft

Long-sleeve shirt worn to combat air-conditioning

Grad student STILL waiting for apparatus that will enable her to break expensive instruments

Scientist scrutinizes fingernails while GC-O sniffing

Grad student only worked two days this week, really doesn't deserve weekend, but not going to do anything anyway

Runner accidentally gets fat again

Library book to actually be used now that it has been recalled

Here I Go Again

Dream of buying 'Sausage Race' t-shirt comes full circle at Milwaukee International Airport

In-flight chocolate chip cookies promote sugar comma

Humidity too high for good Jersey fist-pumping form

Woman pretends to understand art at MoMA

Diner hopes that's really pork in those dumplings

Wedding bartenders have a hard time mixing a Diet Pepsi and ice

Amateur Greek dancer steps on own toenail with stiletto heel

Atlantic City full of really sad looking old people

75% of salt-water taffy consumed remains stuck in teeth

Soft-serve cones eaten nearly every day on vacation

Jersey mosquitoes feast on Midwesterner's blood

Albino chastised at beach for whiteness

Boardwalk carnival games yield $5 worth of crappy prizes

'The Daily Show' taping really short compared to wait on sidewalk

'Seattle's Best' coffee kiosk in Newark not representing Seattle coffee well

Adult manages to fall off bike while it's not even moving

And then there were nine...toenails

Threshold of page 16 crossed on lit review

Jersey Fist Pump!

Can you see us in the audience??

Red Rover, Red Rover, Send a Nap on Over....

Favre continues to jag us around for own enjoyment

Bike repair costs only arm, not both arm and leg as feared

Beach-goers surprised to find lake doesn't even stink

Grad student wonders if attendance at lab BBQ considered to be work

PC user contemplating getting Mac, but still kind of scared of them

Saxophone playing neighbor certainly no Lisa Simpson

Rider wishes camp kids would get the hell off the bus already

Semi truck nearly takes out two trees and street sign while in reverse, lunch breaker extremely amused

Desk with un-natural amount of black hairs not even worst thing about being relegated to computer lab

Girlfriend still refusing to see 'Hellboy' despite glowing reviews

Vacationer to hunt for sea shells AND syringes at Jersey shore this weekend
--
In Jersey until next Wed. Going to see The Daily Show next Tuesday (July 22)!

Bad Day to Leave the House

Rider breaks new (used) bike on fifth ride

Bike Popo definitely taking their job too seriously

Bike Popo busts cyclists for parking illegally, despite lack of sign or rational thinking

Example of sign NOT present

Pedestrian cries hypocrisy as Bike Popo ride past her on the SIDEWALK

Riding fast on sidewalk actually illegal, last time walker checked

Once computer screen goes white it doesn't come back

Uncle Sam's rebate check comes just in time to fix everything woman keeps breaking

Minnesotans' sprinklers out watering sidewalks in full force

Feels Like Home

Water balloons not as fun to fill and tie as they are to break

Eat, nap, eat technique mastered over long weekend

Half bag of Baked Cheetos consumed by bored driver

Need to hide stained orange fingers punishment for excessive Cheetos consumption

‘This American Life’ prompts driver to hold urine extra hour

Forgotten garbage taken out immediately upon home arrival, smell not as bad as owner feared

Viewer feels guilty while watching Olympic trials, reiterated the fact she hasn’t exercised in several days

Apartment just not getting cleaned tonight

Grad student not done work in embarrassingly long amount of time

Sleeping on couch only answer to stifling heat in apartment

Post-Katrina New Orleans Somehow Smells Better than Pre-Katrina New Orleans

Cabbie not showing up for 4am airport pick-up really not as funny as it sounds

McGriddle sandwich purchase regretted immediately after consumption

Luke-warm 'cold' water flows from New Orleans faucets and drinking fountains like running water

Two-hour committee meeting results in conclusion that nothing was accomplished

Crab-claws in boiling hot gumbo only feasible to eat if willing to risk 3rd degree burns

Nerd conference parties confirm nerds inability to handle alcohol

Middle-aged men just not supposed to be dancing like that

Blisters result in in-appropriate conference footwear

Nerd competition's extensive length leads to early departure to hotel bar

Grad student really getting tired of hearing 'how to land your first job' seminars

Asses of police horses extensively photographed

Roommate's snoring leads to pillow chuck-age

Full intact strawberry (stem included) in pool of vomit met with extreme curiosity

21-year-old expresses shock over how old 26 is, 26-year-old not amused by that little brat

Word of the week: moobs

Beads promised for sight of said moobs

'Hand Grenade' drink pretty much the least healthy thing a person can put into body

Soberest person on Bourbon Street really getting kind of bored

Service at Krystal burger at 2am not exactly top notch

Ridiculous amount of sh*tty hors d'oeuvres consumed at several receptions

Conference attendee remembers scientific program only after leaving