Two Hours of Life Lost to the Miss U.S.A. Pageant*

*very difficult to admit

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Rob Schneider unquestionably the least credible judge at Miss U.S.A. pageant

Donny and Marie's incestuous flirting really detracting from pageant's seriousness

At home judge docks contestant for outtie belly button

Pageant contestants exhibit talent for finding sluttiest, ugliest evening gown

Final questions address serious topics such as make-up advertising and tv watching

First-runner-up gives winner insincere hug

Miss U.S.A. pageant really one high-healed step back for women's rights